USS Clueless: Earth to Timi

They got on the subject of crying. One of the questions asked was, "What do you tell your 15 year old son who is crying because a girl has just broke his heart?" I was amazed at some of the answers that men & women were calling in to give. The consensus was that this 15 year boy should "Man Up." That bothered me a great deal. These people seemed to believe that it was weak of this young man to cry because he was hurting. Some folks were like, "He's a punk for crying. He's acting like a girl."

Acting like a girl? How do you equate crying to feminism? That's really silly.

On the website, one message board member who goes by the name Damali wrote,

Real men are not suppose to cry. The only people who think that it's o'k to cry are either women ( and what do they know about being a man? ) and some soft men who cried in the past and are now looking for some kind of validation for his lack of self-respect.

The reason we are not suppose to cry is because it's an unspoken form of honor. Honor is a code of our pride and strength. I'll admitt, viewed logically, it doesn't make much sense. However, honor (much like love) is not suppose to make any logical sense! Too many men are allowing women to call the shots on what makes a man a man. You wouldn't ask an eskimo for tanning tips, why are we listening to women on what makes a man a man? Women do not carry themselves by the same codes of honor that men do. Men do not cry!

Voltaire wrote " above all else never forget your dignity as a man"

Trust me, when you cry in front of your woman, she may say that it's alright with her. However, subconciously, she is harboring thoughts of weakness, doubt, and most importantly, leverage. Because the first heated argument that you two will have, if you even think about approaching her like " I'm the man of this house" she will emasculate you with " oh now you're the man of the house, where was all this manhood when you were crying like a little bi**ch !"

Fellas, if you absolutely, positively, must cry? I advise that you cry in the back of a running shower, at midnight, with the door locked and one hand over your mouth.

Damali is a female name, but I'm assuming that the person writing that was male. WHAT IN THE WORLD IS WRONG WITH HIM? This brotha has issues. That has to be one of the dumbest (a most juvenile) statements that I have ever read in my 25 years of living. He is suggesting that crying breaks some kind of honor code. Somehow a man lacks self-respect if he cries. Huh? So will that man lack honor & respect when he's weeping over his dead loved ones too? I don't understand some people.

Christ shed tears on occassion, and He was more man than ANY mortal on this earth. He was God in flesh. That's serious. He cried for his friend Lazarus, and He cried in the Garden of Gethsemane. Would Christ be considered weak? Would you consider Him a punk? I don't think so. Punks run in times of trouble. A punk would save himself in danger. A PUNK WOULDN'T SACRIFICE HIMSELF TO SAVE THE LIVES OF OTHERS.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man who freely expresses his emotions. If I were the mother of that 15 year old boy, I'd tell him to let it out. Real men aren't afraid to cry. There is nothing girly nor gay about crying. He needs to get it out of his system to help him move on. It makes me angry when society tells young men that they shouldn't show emotions because it's a sign of weakness.

I think that young men should be encouraged to express themselves freely. I think it's healthy for them in the long run. They'd make much better boyfriends, husbands & citizens in general. When boys don't express how they feel they grow up to be angry men. There are way too many angry men in this world. These kind of dudes turn out to be rapist, serial killers & murderers...in other words heartless fools.

I find it to be very attractive when a man isn't ashamed to show emotion. It would show me that he isn't insensitive. I'd love for a man to cry on my shoulder. Recently my cousin Rob called me asking me to pray for him. He sounded really upset. He told me that he & his wife were having problems, and he didn't know how to handle it. Rob has always had it together. There was never any problem or issue that he couldn't solve. So his inability to fix his relationship with his wife was hurting him. He started crying. He apologized for crying. I felt bad for him because he doesn't understand that he doesnt have to be sorry for expressing how he really feels.

I can't imagine myself telling him "Man Up" unless he's crying over something really silly. For instance, I might think of him as a sissy if he cries over a little scratch. Babies cry over scratches and that's normal. It's not normal for a grown man to cry over a little ailment. You can cry about a stab wound or a gunshot, but if you cry over a scratch, then you are officially a chick. There was an instance in which I was riding in the car with this one guy & he just spontaneously burst into tears. They were real tears too. This brotha was really sobbin. It freaked me out because it was random and I had no ideal of why he was crying. I didn't think of him as a punk, but I did think that he had some serious baggage that he wasn't dealing with.

Women who frown on men who cry aren't looking for real men. They are seeking a thug. They want a man who is incapable of showing emotion. They want a man who will threaten another man for crying. And you know what? These men will probably end up beating the crap out of these women at some point in their relationships. I don't want a man who is going to beat the hell out of me when I ask him what's wrong.

One time I told a friend about something that happened to me as a kid. He cried with me. I thought that was great. That let me know that he & I were on the same page. I would've felt incredibly vulnerable (not to mention stupid) had he said something like, "What are you telling me that before?" I'm sure the ladies will agree with me when I say that there is nothing worse than an insensitive man.

So, in closing, if a man is crying because he's hurting or sad. Allow him to cry. It is a natural emotion. You should never allow anyone to dictate how you are supposed to feel. It's dangerous for your health. Cry Cry Cry...Cry me a river...I don't care dude just let em flow.