USS Clueless: Earth to Timi: February 2005 Archives

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February 27, 2005

Compromise

I had an interesting conversation with some friends. I had to attend a wedding rehearsal & dinner today. After the dinner, some friends & I began talking about marriage life. My cousin began talking about how much her life is going to change when she gets married. She spoke of changing her name, and becoming "all" to her husband.

As I listened to her speak, I began to think. My husband is going to have to be an extremely patient man in order to deal with me. When I say that I giggle, but I am dead serious. I'm stubborn. I'm spoiled, I'm selfish, When I'm angry, I ignore & sometimes I'm just mean.

I suppose that's sort of normal for a single person. Right now, It would be nice to be married, but I'm just not prepared for that transition. It would no longer be about me. It would be about US. US? That's serious. I'd have to be more rational in my decision making. I'd have to think of his feelings before I do what I want to do.

That's not a bad thing. It's just weird thinking about me as a wife. I know I'd make a lovely wife. I can't imagine a man NOT being enthralled with me. I want to do the married stuff...like travel with my husband...Get on his nerves...Engage in indulging conversation...have sex (It's better to marry than burn. keepin it real). This virgin life is pressing. And people think that we don't get tempted. Whew...THE DEVIL IS A LIAR!

So umm...yea...I enjoy the idea of spending the rest of my life with a loving man. Anyways...

In the midst of my day dreaming, a serious conversation was brewing. They were debating compromise. The men were saying that the women HAVE to do what their husbands ask & want of them. In spite of how much they don't like it. Of course, the women objected to that. My cousin's friend began to argue that marriage is compromise. She went on to say that God didn't create Eve to be Adam's servant. He created Eve to be Adam's HELP. The two were one. They work TOGETHER.

I didn't participate in the debate. I sat there listening to them talk occasionally laughing and agreeing with my girls. I knew I'd be thrust into the conversation soon enough. Somebody always has to say something stupid. One of the guys said, "My wife has to do as I say. I don't care about what she wants. God made me head, so I rule. She has to cater to me."

He was serious. That angered me. It wouldn't have angered me if he were joking around. But he was sincere in his caveman thinking. He went on & on about how his wife has to ask him for permission & stuff. I cut him off. I said, "She's you're wife. Not your child! You're her husband. Not her father!" I told him that he needs to open up his bible & read the book of Genesis more closely. He's going to be single & living with his mother forever. He accused me of not being able to compromise.

I said, "I can compromise for my husband. You aren't talking compromise. You're talking subservience & domination. That's not marriage. That's disillusion that will lead to NOTHING. What will you do if she doesn't obey? Beat her? That's the only way you're gonna get any woman with common sense to do as you say."

A compromise is doing something that he wants to do (even though you really want to do something else) because you know it's going to make him happy. And vice versa. A compromise is not doing something that he wants to because he says so. That's crazy!

I'm all about making my husband happy, but I refuse to create an unhealthy environment for myself while trying to make him happy. It's not worth it, and I don't think God would want me in such a situation.

I'm a die-hard Eagles fan, but if my love of the Eagles is a problem for my husband, them I'd ease up on the Eagles....What am I saying? Yea right!...that was a bad example.

Ok here's a better one...I love my Eagles, but if my husband played for another team and that team was playing the Eagles in the superbowl, then by all means, I'm routing for my husband. Number, Jersey & all. Hell...I'll wear the team's mascot to support my man. I'd pick a fight with Donovan McNabb's mom. "My husband just sacked your son! What now! He's gonna be suckin his chunky soup from a straw!" OK...that's a bit over the top...but you get my point.

So the moral of the story is...

Subservience is not the same as being submissive

AND

Compromise is two-way not Do-As-I-Say.

Get It. Got It? Good.

Posted by Timi at 12:02 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

February 21, 2005

It's great to have a friend that you can call at anytime. You know that friend will listen to you & accept you despite any faults you may have. She'll be by your side through thick & thin. A dear friend holds you accountable. She pulls your card when you're acting shady. She doesn't do this to hurt you, but she does it because he loves you. She encourages. Her love is infinite. She's a sister. Though not by blood, but forever connected in spirit. She is me. I am her. The love will never die.

Today, I had a really crappy day at work. I had a little verbal spat with my boss and that upset me alot. I went into work feeling like a champion, and by the end of my work day, I felt defeated. I was physically drained. I couldn't even see straight. I sat at my desk for a while wondering why I've chosen to settle for this job.

I mean, it's really changed my attitude. I've found myself getting upset quickly. I've been cursing, and that's something that I don't do very often. Working in a corporate office with a bunch of worldly folks sure can bring the worst out of you. I'm starting to feel unhappy again. I'm beginning to feel the onset of depression once more and that's not good.

As I sat at the desk on the brink of tears, I decided to call my bestfriend. She answered. She immediately knew that something was wrong. I felt the tears begin to fall. I told her that I'd call her back in 15 minutes. I left the office & headed home. When I arrived home, I called my friend once more.

I began crying uncontrollably. I was trying to explain what was wrong, but I couldn't because I was sobbing so hard. She told me to calm down. I explained how my day went, and my life was going. I explained to her that I need a change of scenery. I need to get away. She began encouraging me. She started to joke with me. She told me that God was preparing me for something better, and I just have to stick it out for now. It may be tough, but I can handle it. We talked for almost an hour. She told me that she's been & will continue praying for me.

I felt alot better after speaking with her. I'm glad that I have her to talk to. If she wasn't in my life, then I think that I'd be incredibly miserable. I wish she didn't live so far away. She's in Pittsburgh completing seminary. Sometimes I wish that it was still like our college days in which I'd knock on her dorm door & we'd sit on the bunks and talk into the wee hours of the morning. I miss those days. As for now, the telephone will do. Thank God for free long distance & cell phones.

Praise the Lord for true friends.

Posted by Timi at 11:50 PM | Comments (1)

February 20, 2005

Bad Dream

I just awakened from a horrible dream, and this time I can't even blame it on cheese.

I dreamed that I operated a crematory with my cousin Eric. Eric wanted to experiment with the crematory. He chose to use some of my old Cabbage Patch dolls as subjects. I refused. I argued with him about choosing my belongings to experiment. I said, "Do not use my dolls. If you do, I will hit you." He put the dolls on the conveyor belt anway. I was not very happy with him.

He apologized & jumped onto the belt to get my dolls. While he was collecting my dolls (all 4 of them), he said, "Do not push the red button." The red button on the machine would start the fire that cremates objects. I said ok. My cousin brought back 3 of my dolls. I said, "Where's my 4th?" He explained that he wanted to keep it back there. I made him go get it.

While he was fetching my other doll, I heard something. It startled me, and I turned around suddenly. When I turned around, hand accidently hit the red button. I looked down at the machine, and became paralyzed with fear. My cousin screamed, "Holy S***!". He tried to come out of the crematory area, but his pant leg got stuck. I heard the fire as it began to shoot out, and at that moment I awakened.

My heart was beating super fast. I refused to go back to sleep, so I decided to play Collapse until I get sleepy again. I keep replaying the look on my cousin's face as he tried to escape the fire. It was a look of terror. I don't ever want to see that look again.

Posted by Timi at 2:10 AM | Comments (3)

February 17, 2005

Skype Me!

Try Skype. It's cool!

Addendum [2/17/2005 10:48pm]: Skype is great. It's like voice instant message (if you will). I like the fact that I can dial up someone's computer & not be charged for it. I have yet to check out all of it's features, but I'm diggin it so far. I've had it on my computer since last June, but I've just recently begun using it.

Posted by Timi at 2:29 PM | Comments (3)

February 16, 2005

New Project

I'm starting a new blog project. My goal for the new project is to create an honest & humorous look into my everyday "struggle" of being a Christian. I decided that I would try a "no holds barred" approach to the things that have happened & are happening in my life.

I thought about naming this new project "The Gospel According to Timi" but that would be too silly. I'm thinking of a name for it. I'm also considering the idea of creating it as a group blog so that others who are interest may write as well.

I'm still brainstorming. I have tons of ideas. So it will be up soon. I have effectively deleted my private blog. It suited its purpose a long time ago, and I'm just not interested in keeping it any longer. Plus, I have no desire to keep it any longer.

Ok...so in the meantime, I'll be thinking of a catchy name for the new site

Posted by Timi at 11:33 PM | Comments (3)

February 14, 2005

Say What?

Quote of The Day:

If Ali G. were a chick, then you'd be him. Totally.

My boss said that to me...right after wishing me a happy valentine's day.

Gee Thanks. And who says flattery will get you nowhere? *snickers*

Posted by Timi at 10:52 PM | Comments (4)

February 13, 2005

Weird Dreams

Last night, I had an odd dream. I dreamed that I became a new mommy. It was really strange. In the dream, I was a wonderer. I didn't wonder around because I was homeless or anything. I did it because I was trying to escape the life that my parents wanted for me. My parents were a wealthy power couple, and they tried to rule my life. I was constantly trying to shake them, but I couldn't.

In part of the dream, I ended up in Atlanta. That's where I met up with Ranada & Carla. They tried to hide me within their Delta sect. It was actually a big sorority house filled with the kind of chicks that I really don't care too much for. It's interesting that I dreamed Ranada to be a Delta & she's really an AKA. LOL. That's funny. Anyway...They hid me in this sorority house. I was offered membership, but I refused. I refused because my mother was a delta, and I knew that word would get back to her that I was a new member.

Living in the Delta house was all fine & dandy, until one pledge snitched. She was a such a loser. She called my brother, who then in turn informed my parents. I was forced to go back home because my folks cut off my money supply. So, I had no means of feeding or supporting myself. When I arrived home, my mother hugged me & kissed me. She told me that she only wanted whats best for me and that I've been making poor decisions for my life. For a moment, I actually believed that she really did want what was best for me.

I mean, mom knows best right? I have made some super poor decisions in my lifetime. I am the one who's so indecisive about what I want to do with my life. Maybe she had a point. NOT! After she gassed my head up, she & my father informed me that I was to a marry a young man. Yes. They had pre-arranged a marriage for me. I didn't know much about this guy. I just knew that his parents were rich, and they were trying to get in on my family's fortune. The guy didn't seem to have a problem with the marriage. I had HUGE issues with the marriage. I wasn't going to be forced into a marriage with a stranger.

I argued with my parents over & over again. I said, "I'm 25. You can't do this to me. I'm an adult. I live my life for me." They didn't care. I was crying. I accussed my father of prostituting me. I said, "How can you force me to sleep with a man that I don't love?" My father kept telling me that it was for my own good. He wasn't doing it to hurt me. He was doing it because he loved me. WHAT KIND OF CRAP IS THAT?

When I realized that my back was to the wall, I did what I felt was best for me. One day, I went out & I befriend a chinese guy. I recognized him as being the guy who always delivers chinese food to my job (in real life). He & I went out to dinner, and that evening we slept together. I deliberately got pregnant. When I told my parents, they flipped. My mother told me that I had to give the baby up for adoption. My father threatened to kill Wan (the chinese guy). I began to think about adoption.

A young lady that I work with offered to take the child. I began to consider giving her my baby. Then I thought, I have to work with her. I'd be forced to see pictures of MY child on her desk everyday. I can't do that. She convinced me that if I allowed her to have the child, then it wouldn't be a problem. I told her that I'd consider it. Wan wanted no parts of that though. He wanted us to keep the child.

I finally delivered the child. I had a boy. He was the most beautiful child that I've ever seen. I just held him. I refused to let my parents see him because I feared for what they might do to him. My mother made her way to see me. When she saw my son, she said, "OMG. He's beautiful." She picked him up and said, "Hi Nate." I gave her a strange look. I was like why did you call him that. She said, "You wanted to name him Evan Nathaniel, so I've decided to call him Nate."

She was a proud grandma that day. She apologized for attempting to ruin my life. She blamed it all on my father. Go figure. I knew that she was culprit, but I didn't fight with her. I had my child to worry about. My mother held a big baby shower for me. She invited all of my ex-boyfriends and some of the guys that I used to talk to. They all seemed irrelevant to me now that I'd become a mother. All the ex's stood in line to hold my baby. Each one stating how happy they were for me. The last guy in line to hold my child was the guy that my parents had arranged for me to marry.

He picked up Evan. I said, "Be careful." He said, "I know how to handle a baby. I'd never hurt him." I smiled at him. He held the baby for a long time. I asked to have my child back. He handed him back to me. He then said, "I'm going to enjoy raising my stepson as my own." Then he started laughing and the rest of the men in the room joined him. I asked for Wan, and my father said, "He's on a plane back to Beijing." They all began laughing again...this time in sinc. I grabbed my baby shouting, "You can't do this to me. I have to live for my child."

And then I woke up. I really need to stop eating Poly-O String Cheese prior to going to bed.

Posted by Timi at 2:04 PM | Comments (3)

February 11, 2005

New Phone

My phone is working again. After trying to experiment with phone usage without the use of thumbs, I managed to break my phone. I took my phone to the sprint people and as always, they never disappoint. I had to argue with one chick just have my phone checked out. They ran a diagnostic test only to tell me what I already knew. My phone was damaged.

My insurance on the phone doesn't exist anymore because I filed more than one claim in 2004. So, I was left with no other choice but to purchase a new phone. Thanks to a lovely church member, I didn't have to buy a new phone at all. This lady gave me a temporary phone to use until I decide to buy a new one. It's the same exact phone that I already have. The lady just got rid of a second line on her sprint account, and she offered me the phone.

I'm going to buy this phone when I recieve my tax return. It's pretty cool. Plus, I get a discount.

Posted by Timi at 6:13 PM | Comments (3)

February 8, 2005

Short Hand

Have you ever really taken the time to appreciate the members of your body? That's not as lude as it might sound to some of you (you filthy heathens). Seriously, have you ever just stood in front of the mirror (with or without clothing) and just admired yourself? That's not as vain as it sounds either.

The bibles tells us in 1 Corinthians 12 that the body is one yet made up of several different parts (eyes, ears, nose, mouth, etc.). Each part has its own function. God created it that way.

The Apostle Paul was referring to the body of Christ (ie, church members, groups & such) in the passage, but for the sake of making my point I'm going to use it as a literal interpretation (if you will) of the human body.

Have you ever taken the time to appreciate your body (along all of its members) as a creation of God? I guarantee that you will not fully appreciate it until you realize the significance of what it is. View yourself for a moment through God's eyes. The contours, the color, the shape, the bending of your joints, flexibility of your muscles. I imagine God staring at me and just saying, "Oh Snap! I am good!"

I use all of that to say this...

I was sitting at my desk the other day staring at my hands. I became quite intrigued by them. I began to imagine what my life might be like without fingers (yes I have that much free time at work). Dude...what if you didn't have any thumbs? Yes thumbs...those short stubby things that chill on the outside of your hands.

Stick your hands out and tuck your thumbs into your palms. Isn't it weird just staring at 8 fingers? Excuse me if you really do only have 8 fingers (or no fingers at all). I'm trying to create a visual here. Sorry. No offense.

Now where were we? 8 fingers...yes yes yes. That's four fingers on each hand. Try grabbing a pen with one four-fingered hand. It's not impossible to hold the pen without of a thumb, but it becomes extremely difficult to try to manuever the pen or to try to write with it. It's like learning to write as a child all over again. Now go get some magic markers, find a white wall & have a blast.

In Briefing

Without thumbs, we wouldn't be able to grab stuff.
Without thumbs, using a cell phone would be a task. You'd have to grab it with one hand to it flip open & dial with the other. With thumbs, one hand cell phone usage is the norm. You grab the phone with one hand, flip it open with your thumb & dial with your thumb. Try using a cell phone without your thumbs. It aint happening. I tried...effectively dropping my phone 4 times. And now it won't come on.
Without thumbs, a five-finger discount would then be called a four-finger discount. Try to steal with four fingers. I bet you get caught!
Driving without thumbs. I wouldn't advise it...especially if you drive a stick shift. It wouldn't be wise to drive with an automatic either. Try putting your car in park without a thumb. That won't work out too well. I should know...I tried it. My neighbor has forgiven me for bumping his car. So yea...without thumbs, you need to be taking the bus.
Without thumbs, it would be difficult to hold things sturdy in the palm of one's hand. No more skittles for you my friend!

So in ending...

Thumbs matter because they are a part of the body. Without them, our hands would be almost useless. God I thank you for bestowing each hand with a thumb.

Praise The Lord for thumbs!

Posted by Timi at 11:21 AM | Comments (6)

February 6, 2005

Super Heart Break

What more can I say? Words just can't describe how I feel right now. I want to lay down & cry.

I think I will...

Posted by Timi at 11:12 PM | Comments (4)

February 5, 2005

Chicks Dig Football Too

Today, I was with a client, and she annoyed the crap out of me. She tried to be my friend, but offended me everytime she opened her mouth. She's an attorney who made certain of telling me that she graduated at the head of her law school class. I could've cared less. I wasn't their to learn about her life's history. I was there to do business.

She was probing into my life. She asked questions about my family. No problem. She asked me about school. I told her that I went to college. She asked, "In what state?" That puzzled me. I thought, "Why didn't she ask 'what school?' instead." I said, "I stayed home in Delaware." She replied, "You went to college here in Delaware?"

"Yes, I went to college here in Delaware.", I answered. Now a normal person would've asked the name of the college that I went to. She wasn't that bright...or maybe she just didn't care. I took it that she didn't give a darn because she ASSUMED that I went to a college that I didn't go to. Her response to me was, "You went to Del Tech right?"

That pissed me off instantly. I said, "No. I attended the University of Delaware. Why did you assume that I went to a community college?" She gives me a blank look and says, "I don't know. It was the first school to pop up in my head. I'm sorry if I offended you." The lack of sincerety in her voice was sickening. I know why she assumed that I attended a community college. First school to pop up in her head? Yea right...and the chinese invented soul food!

The Best Is Yet To Come...

I think she realized that she hit a nerve. She dropped the subject of schools. We began talking about politics & sports. She asked me if I liked soccer. I said, "I played soccer in middle school. I don't care too much for it now." She asked me if I've ever seen Bend It Like Beckham. I told her that I had seen the movie, and it was cool. She begins to profess her love for soccer. She goes on this rant about the differences between American Football & European Soccer (as if I didn't already know).

She claims that "We" as Americans, ruin sports. She begins to really dog American football. Before I could defend American sports, she said the most assisine thing that I have ever heard before.

She said, "Do you like football? I hope not. It's so rough. Any woman who enjoys watching the NFL should check themselves for testosterone."

WHAT!!!!!!

I was a bit taken aback by her statement. I said, "Pardon me?" She says, "Women who like football should have their femininity challenged." I was stunned. "They want to be so much like men.", she continued.

What a dumb broad!

I interjected with, "I love football. That doesn't make me any less feminine than you." Realizing that she has offended me yet again, she says, "Oh. I just don't understand it." I said nothing further. I wrapped up our business, and I left her office.

How dare she say that! What about those women who watch football just for the love of the game. They understand it & appreciate it for what it is. They don't want to be men, they just love the sport. I am a woman who loves football, and I am oozing with femininity! I am not masculine in any way shape or form. What is more feminine than watching a bunch of sexy men (in tights no less) be masculine? I love watching them hit each other, and gloat about it afterwards. That's a turn on in itself! And if the woman is lucky, she may even catch a glimpse of a player on the sideline without his shirt on. Lord Have Mercy! Thank You God for NFL Players!

Timi No Lesbo. She likes man coverage (that's football terminology for the sports inept). I'm too fine to go chi chi. My parents bestowed some good genes on me. I have to be fruitful & multiply. I can't let my mother's good looks go to waste. My folks worked overtime to make me, and it shows. I need to thank for my grandmother, who made my mother, for these looks.

Someday, I will marry a man and I'll have children. They will look like me, and people will say, "You are so pretty. You look just like your mother." My child will then say, "I know. Thanks grandma. Thanks alot for not marrying an ugly man."

I'm not vain or anything. I'm just saying...

Posted by Timi at 10:35 PM | Comments (6)

February 4, 2005

Ossie Davis

One of Hollywood's most treasured black actors has died. Ossie Davis was found dead in his hotel room. He was 87 years old.

My prayers go out to his wife, Ruby Dee, and his family.

R.I.P

Posted by Timi at 12:08 PM | Comments (2)

Give Me My Money!

I filed my own tax return this year. I feel so grown up. I didn't have to seek the help of any professional tax preparer because I did my return right the first time. I prepared my brother's tax return as well. I should've charged him.

I never understood why people choose to pay hundreds of dollars for someone else to file their return. I refuse to pay someone $300 to do my taxes for me. I need every bit of my return, and I can't afford to give any of it away. I'll be filing & completing my own tax return from now on.

Take That Mr. Tax Man!

A friend offered to let me claim her child. I said, "Heck no!" It would be my luck that I claimed somebody else's child and the IRS picks me for an audit. No Sir! That $1000 tax credit sounds really nice, but I'd rather be broke. I'm going to be happy with my tax return regardless of amount. I might add that I'm quite pleased with the amount of my return.

Posted by Timi at 1:37 AM | Comments (1)

February 1, 2005

Rev Got Jokes

My pastor straight called me out this evening. He just embarassed me in front of a bunch of folks.

I dropped a friend off at church. Tonight was bible study. I chose not to attend because I had some other things to do. I was about to drive off when the pastor approashed the car. He said, "You know it's not nice to drop other people off in front of the church & you not come in for yourself."

My friend burst out into laughter. I had to laugh myself. I said, "Oh no." The pastor continues on saying, "Mmm mmm. You right in front of the church, and won't come in. Do you think the sanctuary will blow up if you enter?" Everyone outside started laughing. I put my hand on my forehead, and tried to hide the obvious embarassment.

WAIT A MINUTE! That's just ashy. I go to church!

I said, "I'm mad that YOU are trying to carry me with your suade snow boots on!" He looked down at his feet, and started laughing. Some kids who were there started clowning his boots. He leaned up against the car window, and said, "You found a new church? I hope you didn't become like Sister Jessie and leave us to go find a man. I heard about your little Hawaii friend sending you roses."

WHAT! Somebody talks too much man.

The jokes just kept coming. I said, "Why are you calling me out like this? You act like I don't come at all." He said, "We miss having you around. Come back Prodigal Son."

PRODIGAL SON! He's really buggin now!

I reiterate my job situation. He said that he understands that, but he has to keep it real.

KEEP IT REAL? He's exaggerating!

I said my goodbye's. He said, "Don't let this goodbye be forever." I had to bust out laughing. I thanked him for the good laugh. I walks off singing, "I'm just doing my job..."

NOT BLOODSTONE!

He aint right.

Posted by Timi at 9:19 PM | Comments (2)

USS Clueless: Earth to Timi

Huh?