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December 31, 2004
Bye Bye 2004
2005 is just a few hours. I'm anticipating the next year to be a good one. I'm expecting change. Change is a good thing. May be your season for change as well.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
Posted by Timi at 9:24 PM
December 25, 2004
Holiday Blues
Today doesn't feel like Christmas for me. It's very depressing. I'm used to spending the holidays with my uncle & other family members. Today just feels really crappy. I don't have much to say, but I wish that you all are having a better holiday that myself.
Listening to my uncle's favorite song is helping me to mourn a little. He always enjoyed listening to "Please Come Home For Christmas" by Charles Brown. He & my grandmother (his mother) would blast this song loudly on Christmas Eve & Christmas Day. Music helps. Perhaps the song will bring you joy as well.
Charles Brown- Please Come Home For Christmas
Bells will be ringing the glad, glad news
Oh, what a Christmas to end the blues
My baby's gone, I have no friends
To wish me greetings, ooh, once again
Choirs will be singing Silent Night
Christmas carols by candlelight
Please come home for Christmas
Please come home for Christmas
If not for Christmas, by New Year's night
Friends and relations send salutations
Sure as the stars shine above
This is Christmas, yeah, Christmas my dear
The time of year to be with the one you love
So won't you tell me you'll never more roam
Christmas and New Years will find you home
Please come home for Christmas
Please come home for Christmas
If not for Christmas by New Year's night
There'll be no more sorrow no grief and pain
And I'll be happy, happy once again
Posted by Timi at 12:43 PM | Comments (6)
December 21, 2004
Break
I will be away for a few days. I'll be staying at my grandmother's home. My uncle passed away yesterday morning. I'll be helping with funeral arrangements & stuff. I'd appreciate it if you all would keep my family in your prayers. This death is sudden & it's a true heartbreak considering how close it occured to the Christmas holiday. Thanks in advance. ~T.
Posted by Timi at 7:29 PM | Comments (6)
December 19, 2004
Holiday Shopping
Yesterday, my friend Tony & I went shopping at the Lancaster Outlets in Lancaster, PA. It was a nice little outing, and gave us time to spend with other considering that we haven't spent much time together. I had fun. We walked from store to store just looking at stuff. I was trying to find my grandmother a really nice gift. Tony was picking out something nice for his girlfriend.
The outlets were packed. We had no choice but to walk store to store or take the trolley around because if we moved from our parking spot chances are that we would've had issues finding another one. I didn't find anything that I wanted to buy for my grandmother, so I ended up wasting money on myself. I bought myself some Curve perfume, and I bought an Eagles sweatshirt from the Eagle Zone. It was too cold to stay out too long.
Tony bought his girlfriend some things, and we decided to head down to the Tanger outlets down the road from Rockvale. I needed a new pair of Timberlands, so I didn't mind. Going into the Timberland store was a disaster. It was packed with people. Tony became upset with some guy when he pushed us both out of his way. I was like "I think we need to bounce". We left the Timberland store, and headed to this kitchen store where I purchased a George Foreman grill for my brother, and I bought a Crock Pot for my aunt.
After shopping, we went to have dinner at Fuddruckers. Tony and I had a competition going as to who would finish eating first. He ordered a 1 pound burger and spotted me 2 bites on my 1/3 Turkey burger. He still beat me. He's greedy like that. After dinner, we headed back to Delaware. During the return drive home, we had a chance to talk more. We talked about life, music, relationships & other stuff.
We started to talk about his girlfriend. I wanted to know why he didn't invite her to come along. He made up some excuse about not wanting her to see the gift he bought. Ok cool. He began asking me questions about past relationships. He says, "Why did you tell the dude in the Nike outlet that I was your brother?" My response was, "Because you are my brother." He didn't say much else. I did all the talking for the next 15 minutes. Then, out of the blue, he asks, "Have you ever thought of us as more than friends?" I was shocked. I didn't know how to respond, and I was stumbling over my words.
When I gathered myself, I told him that I've never thought of him as more than a friend. I've always considered him as a brother. We've been friends since like forever. Anything other than friendship never crossed my mind. He says, "I don't mean to put you on the spot, but do you think that we could ever be more than friends? You know that I like you. Don't look at me like that. You know."
I didn't know what to say. I tried to piece together a response. I told him that I'd have to think about that whole "more than friends" thing. I'm not ready to wrap my mind around that concept. I can't jump into a relationship with my best guy friend. I'd break his heart. He told me to think about it. I told him that I would. I quickly ended that conversation and changed the subject.
When we arrived back in Delaware, we did some more shopping. We were going to call some friends & ask if they wanted to go to the movies, but nothing of interest was playing. So instead, we opted to play ESPN Football 2k5 on XBox. Tony has an XBox in his car, so he pulled into a parking lot & we played the game. While in the car, the windows were getting foggy. People were driving past, looking at us. Tony said, "Hold up. This doesn't look right." I agreed and wiped the windows off. This one guys (probably an undercover) walked over to us and asked if were ok. When I rolled down the window, he saw that were playing the game. He laughed and walked off. From that point on, I kept the windows down. I'm trying to avoid the appearance of evil...you know?
Overall, I had a fun day. I came home and crashed. What a day.
Posted by Timi at 12:56 PM | Comments (7)
December 16, 2004
Meme-ories
I was checking out KB's site and I found this really cool Meme game. Now I'm not one to get caught in this meme craze that's been circling the blog world, but I thought that it would be fun to do this one. The object of this meme game is to figure out the song's title based upon the lyrics posted. NO CHEATING!
Here it goes:
Step 1: Put your media player on random.
Step 2: Pick your favorite lines from the first 25 songs that play.
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song the lines come from.
Step 4: Cross out the songs when someone guesses correctly and give them credit
[edit] I will add each song to my radio.blog as they are answered. I'm too stingy to add mp3's...ok ok...I'll add mp3's for select songs [/edit]
- I'm losing all self-control, feels like I'm letting go and I'm loving every minute
- Cause I'm not tryin to mislead you. Believe me girl, I really need you..
You're like a diamond, but she treats you like glass. Yet you beg her to love you, but me you don't ask..Honey- "If I Were Your Woman" by Gladys Knight- If you ever take me back again, I never wanted to burn this bridge
- I'm hiding it well Sister Ernestine, but I still got that bell dragging my foots
- And they say that there is humor in misfortune. No, I wonder if they'll laugh when I am dead
You are my song when there's no music to play, Oh I wanna marry someone like you somedayRaven- "Beautiful Ones" by Mary J. Blige- And with a little gin after a spin in the benz, with some R&B he can hit it again and again
If I have the gift of knowledge. And if my faith moves mountains high, but have not love, I am nothingTavian- "Without Love" by Stacie OrricoThey call her a killer, and they call her a sinner & they call her a whoreQuinton- "What It's Like" by EverlastSee if I'm breathing because I'm not sureHoney- "Submerge Till We Become The Sun" by MaxwellThey gave you life, and in return you gave them hell. As cold as ice, I hope we live to tell the taleSimone- "Shout" by Tears for FearsMy mama went off and left him. She wanted more from life than he could give. I said "somebody's got to take care of him", So I quit school and that's what I didErin- "Fast Car" by Tracy ChapmanIt's time like these that'll make me say, 'Lord if you hear me please come my way'Quinton- "Ooh Ahh" by GRITS- You thought you were hidin, hidin, hidin from me
She's got blisters on the sole's of her feet. She can't walk, but she's tryingRaven- "Another Day In Paradise" by Phil Collins- Hey Jesus, it must've been some Sunday morning in a blaze of glory. We're still tellin your story
- Cuz ignorance is bliss, and ignorance is just so friggin' ignorant you may even be ignorant of this
You said there would be warm love in spring time. That is when you started to be coldErin- "I Never Dreamed You'd Leave In Summer" by Stevie Wonder [mp3]- Industry rule #4081 is the gospel industry is just as shady son
We don't know who we are or why we met, but it's strangely good in some sort of freakish wayTavian- "Like A Woman" by Tony RichI've come to you, 'cause I need guidance to be true, and I just don't know where I can begin.Erin- "Criminal" by Fiona Apple- As we learn, as we live, that we live when we give
He's my doctor & my Savior. He's the goal of my soulTavian- "More Like Him" by Hezekiah Walker...His anointing I can feel. He shed his blood for my transgressions, and by His stripes we are healedTavian- "Don't Cry" by Kirk Franklin
[edit - 12/20/04] Ok game over. Here are the answers to the songs that were not guessed:
1. Brandy- When You Touch Me
2. Donny Hathaway- Love, Love, Love
4. J. Moss- I'm Sorry
5. Tori Amos- Caught A Lite Sneeze
6. Edgar Winter- Dying to Live
8. Cross Movement- Free
15. The Pointer Sisters- Betcha Got A Chick On The Side
17. Lee Ann Womack- Something Worth Leaving Behind
18. Cee Lo- Living Again
20. Lamp Mode- Inchro
23. Michael W. Smith- I Will Be Your Friend
Posted by Timi at 2:14 AM | Comments (7)
December 13, 2004
ARGH!!
I'm a bit ticked off with MT right now. I had a whole entry written and ready to be posted, but when I clicked save, I was lead to the sign in page. When I signed back in, my post was gone. I'm not too happy about that right now. I don't even feel like writing it over. That was just ashy. That was like my best post ever, and It's gone. So wrong.
On To Other Stuff
I spent my afternoon attending group sessions. I was bored out of my mind and I really didn't want to be there. The moderator sensed my lack of interest and kept calling me out for participation. That made me want to be there even less, but I had to be there. You see, I kind of had a temper tantrum experienced a lapse in composure at work last week. But, I walked away from an otherwise "risky" situation.
Because I showed, "incredible restraint & self-control" in walking away from a very "tense & emotional debacle", I was given a compromise. If I agreed to attend anger managment sessions sensitivity training, then the issue would be de-fused. I didn't think the situation merited such action, but I agreed to it. I was given this compromise largely in part because of a situation that occurred about a month ago with two other employees.
Without getting into too much detail, I had a situation in which I felt as if I'd been wronged & disrespected. I decided to be mature about the situation and talk to the person that wronged me. That person wasn't very receptive. Not only was that person not willing to talk, but she totally disrespected me. I could've followed suit, and acted totally out of character, but I walked away. I walked into our office, and I began to vent a little bit. Ok Ok...I began to vent alot. It was loud, and it was obvious that I was not very happy. I had to get that which upset off of my chest. A little venting never hurt anyone. That's better than straight two-piecing somebody.
I'm a professional. I'm not going to fight you in the office at all. It's not worth risking my job nor is it worth a poor recommendation. I also try to be a good Christian. Sometimes that "Love thy neighbor" clause flies out the windown when I'm upset. I'm human. So may in light of all of this, maybe I'll benefit from these sessions. Perhaps, I'll learn to live by one my grandmother's favorite scriptures in James 1:19-20. That reads:
...Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires
Yea...umm...I think I need to recite that one on a daily basis. You know...for my sanity's sake.
Posted by Timi at 6:09 PM | Comments (3)
December 9, 2004
Insecurity
I have to be honest. I have a tendency to be a bit insecure. I sometimes long for the approval of others (family in particular). Sometimes I need re-assurance. Sometimes I need a hug. At times I need that little confidence booster that makes me feel as if I am somebody. For a while, I thought that there was something wrong with me. I'm a Christian. I've been to my share of women's conferences. I've sat in on the "encouragement for women" sermons. I've been (and still am) a member of the women's fellowship. I have all the assurance I need surrounding me. So, why do I still feel insecure?
I don't know. At times I am very confident and at times I'm not. I've been told that I'm a little arrogant & vain, but when I look at myself in the mirror I see a girl who feels that she need's worldwide approval. I sometimes believe that my cockiness is a guise for the insecurity hidden underneath. For instance, sometimes my friends will say, "You are so pretty." I'll respond with, "I know", but later I'll find the closest mirror to stare at myself just to give myself that reassures that I really am pretty.
My mother raised me to be confident. I'm intelligent, independent, very attractive and good hearted. I don't have any issues attracting the opposite sex. So why do I feel this way? I guess it's normal for women (especially black women) to feel a little insecure. I know that I would like to walk outside of my home not worrying about what others are thinking of me. I'll continue to pray that God will give me that confidence to do so.
Posted by Timi at 5:43 PM | Comments (0)
Emperor Of The Lone Islands
Every now & then I read a blog that makes me say, "Wow". Everytime I read Adam's blog, I begin to grin like the Cheshire Cat. Adam is special. Adam is real. And I like that.
I'm loving the latest post too...
My Sheath
If God is my maker, and my maker is my husband,
then I am a wife.
But I am a strumpet.
I never let Him have his way.
My legs stay closed.
I don't bathe, I don't make a comfortable home.
I don't host party's or invite the neighbors.
And we haven't any children.
I keep saying that I'm not ready.
And God's a gentleman.
He'll never force me to be intimate.
Yet I can see by his smile that one day I'll be begging for him.
I'll bargain for a kitchen to clean, and a bed to make,
and parties to host and banners to carry.
And maybe then I'll drop the hyphen and take his name.
** Off The Topic **
I checked my stats moments ago, and I've seen that alot of people are coming to my site in search of video clips of Michelle Williams falling on 106 & Park. I didn't know why google was leading people to my site, until I realized that I made reference to it a few posts ago. I didn't have a clip of the incident, but I found one while visiting Prime's site. So, for all of people "just happening" upon my site for purposes of laughter (SHAME ON YOU!), I've decided to link the little clip to my site as well. Merry Christmas. Don't expect this kind of kindness from me all the time! Oh yea...and don't direct link to the clip. I will take it down if you do. THANKS!
[Edit] I've asked that you not direct link to the files on my site. Someone has violated that request, so I removed the "Michelle Williams Falling" file from my site. If you would like a copy of the file, then email me or make a request in my comments. [/Edit]
Posted by Timi at 3:24 PM | Comments (4)
It's Your Favorite Foreign Movie
I feel extra giddy when I hear Peg by Steely Dan. I don't know what's so special about this song, but it makes me happy. When I hear it, I want to bust out in a 70s retro dance groove. I'm dedicating my Thursday to Peg. When I begin to feel down, I will think of that song and start to groove.
Steely Dan- Peg
I've seen your picture
Your name in lights above it
This is your big debut
It's like a dream come true
And when you smile for the camera
I know they're gonna love it
I like your pin shot
I keep it with your letter
Done up in blueprint blue
It sure looks good on you
So won't you smile for the camera
I know I'll love you better
Peg
It will come back to you
Peg
It will come back to you
Then the shutter falls
You see it all in 3-D
It's your favorite foreign movie
Posted by Timi at 1:28 AM | Comments (4)
December 3, 2004
Is She Pregnant?
This morning, I took my little cousin to a Dr. appointment. My aunt was unable to take her, so I offered to do it. My cousin was to have an appointment at an Adolescent Clinic with her doctor. She was to be checked because of problems with her ear. She was complaining of buzzing in her ears and dizziness. I assumed that it was a case of Vertigo, but I'm not a doctor, so my opinion isn't to be taken as such. My aunt neglected to tell me where the Dr's office was. All she told me was that the doctor's office was on the 4th floor. The logical thing for me was to take her to Wilmington Hospital because I recall going to that adolescent program when I was a teenager AND it just happened to be on the 4th floor. My logic didn't stand. I went to the wrong hospital.
Upon entering the hospital, my cousin & I headed for the elevators. We took the elevator to the 4th floor. I noticed that the fourth floor was a residential floor. I walked up to a receptionist & asked her for directions to the Adolescent office & she gave me a puzzled look. She had no idea of what I was talking about. She told me that I should try pediatrics on the first floor. It was 10:10 & the appointment was to be for 10:30. We turned to head back towards the elevators. As we headed toward the elevators a white lady stopped us.
She said, "Excuse me. What were you looking for?" I told her that I was looking for the Adolescent Clinic. She took one look at my cousin and said, "Are you sure you aren't looking for the OB-GYN? I'm a social worker at the hospital." That angered me. The question not only angered me but the condescending way in which she asked the question ticked me off as well. She was talking to us as if we were slow. I said, "No. We are not looking for the OB-GYN. We're looking for the adolescent clinic." She says, "The OB-GYN may be the place that you're looking for. She's not pregnant?"
I'm sure the look on my face said it all. I said, "NO she is not pregnant. I'm looking for the adolescent clinic. There used to be an adolescent clinic here. She's having ear pain." I was not very happy with the lady. She began to explain to me that the adolescent clinic was phased out when the doctor in charge of the clinic left. I was looking at her like, "That's all you had to say in the first place." After all of that, she told me to try the pediatric office.
My cousin & I took the elevator back to the 1st floor. We walked into the pediatric center. My cousin sees all the little kids and she says, "I feel real stupid being in here with all these babies." I talked to the receptionist lady in the pediatric center. I asked her about an adolescent clinic. She said that she had no idea of what I was talking about. I told her the doctors name, and she informed me that no doctor by that name there. She advised me to check in OB-GYN because the folks over in that section may know than she does. My little cousin asks, "What's the OB-GYN?" I responded by saying, "The coochie doctor". Everyone in the center laughed. That was my way of shedding light on a situation that was really starting to anger me.
I head over to the OB-GYN. I see some nurses and I ask them about the Adolescent program. One of the nurses looks at my cousin and whispers, "Is she pregnant?" I tried to contain myself, but I yelled, "NO SHE IS NOT PREGNANT. SHE IS NOT HERE FOR A PAP SMEAR NOR IS SHE HERE FOR A PREGNANCY TEST. SHE DOESNT HAVE ANY STD EITHER!" The nurse apologized me. She informed me that there is no adolescent clinic in the OB-GYN. She instructs me to try the Adult Medicine center. I was really pissed.
It upset me because I know that my cousin's race played a factor in the questions that the nurses, receptionists & the stupid social worker were asking. They saw that she was black & automatically assumed that the Adolescent clinic I was searching for was in actuality the OB-GYN. As if all we [young black women] do is have sex and make babies. That makes me livid. If I were a white lady walking with my white child & asking for directions to an adolescent center, those questions would've never been asked!
I walked away from the nurses venting out loud. I was like, "You see a young black girl walk into your hospital & you assume that she's here for natal care. This is some racist bull!" My cousin is looking at me saying it's ok. I said, "NO IT'S NOT OK! If you were a little white girl they wouldn't assume stuff like that." We arrived at the Family Center & something told me to check the note my aunt left for me. I looked at the note & studied the number on the paper. I began to wonder if I was even at the right hospital because the number on the note was not a Wilmington number. It was a suburban phone number.
I called the number on the paper, and it was confirmed that I was at the wrong place. By this time it was 10:35, and I was frustrated. I called my aunt to tell her that I was at the wrong clinic. She too didn't know that the adolescent center was moved to a different location. I told her that the place were supposed to be at was on Foulk Road. I called the Family Medicine Center to explain what happened. The kind nurse on the other end told me that my cousin would be seen if I brought her. I drove to the center on Foulk Road, checked in with the receptionist & everything was cool.
My cousin was taken back to a room to be seen by her doctor. I was elated to see that her doctor was a sista girl and she was young. I was making conversation with the doctor while she was checking my cousin. She was really cool. She diagnosed my cousin with an ear infection. She wrote out a prescription and everything was fine. The doctor made mention of me taking my cousin to the wrong hospital, and she laughed. I told her what happened while at the hospital. She seemed to be upset by the questions that my cousin & I were asked as well.
She said, "See that kind of stuff makes me angry. I get questions like that all the time. They don't want to accept the fact that I'm a doctor. They see that I'm black & they try to second guess me. I get questions like 'are you the secretary?' or 'are you the cleaning lady?' That's messed up...like yea a janitor would wear a stethoscope around her neck!"
I told her where I was educated & that I work in a corporate office. I can certainly relate to funny looks and questions that I get from people (white people in particular). Can we catch a break? Why is it that young, COLLEGE EDUCATED black women are still looked down upon? This is upsetting. We are making moves & doing great things for ourselves, but society still sees us as maids & cleaning ladies. A white man walks into my Fortune 500 company & assumes that I'm the secretary. He approaches the white secretary & assumes that she's a business partner with the company overlooking the fact that IM the one that he needs to talk to.
Mos had it right when he wrote,
When white boy's doin it will, it's success. When I start doing it well, it's suspect.
This makes me want to scream. This is insanity. This is unjust. I THOUGHT THIS WAS A AMERICA PEOPLE!
Posted by Timi at 9:15 PM | Comments (7)
December 2, 2004
Soap Opera Drama
When are they going to finally tell Bianca that Maranda is her baby? I'm tired of waiting! This has gone on far too long. I think I'm going to write a letter to the producers of All My Children and tell them to stop it with the dragging along already. JUST GET IT OVER WITH!
I've been keeping updates for my aunt because she does therapy everyday from 12:30 to 2pm. She has me watching the drama that is unfolding on All My Children. I'm tired of waiting for the truth to be revealed. Somebody needs to stop this insanity. JUST GET IT OVER WITH ALREADY! How hard can it be?
Posted by Timi at 2:17 PM